Police Report

According to my last doctor’s appointment (which happened to be about a month ago), I am now officially fully recovered.  I was able to start operating my motorcycle 5 weeks ago and 4 weeks start participating in sports outside of the therapy (swimming) I’ve been doing.  My shoulder is sometimes a bit sore after working out, but definitely not as much or as frequently.

The police report was finally closed on October 26.  The whole thing did not go as I would have hoped.  I wasn’t asked any questions (then again, they didn’t ask the other party any questions either - though he probably gave a statement at the scene) and didn’t have an opportunity to give an account of events from my point-of-view.  I’m sure the police heard from other witnesses and from the Thai people representing me, but I was never given a chance to speak.  As a result, I ended up signing a statement saying that I accept my carelessness and confess to allegation that I drove carelessly resulting in the hitting and damaging of the other person’s car.  Of course after everyone signs, the case is closed, and I get the official English translation of the report that this is the outcome.

Though I’m glad this piece is finally settled and all behind me, I was heartbroken by the results.  Maybe I was driving slightly carelessly, but it wasn’t as though I was trying to race the car and I had my turn signal on!  I wasn’t driving 20 - 40+ kmh over the speed limit like the car was (I actually don’t know how fast the car was driving, but as I’ve driven on the road since the accident, I’ve checked my speed and estimated the speed of cars passing me leading me to believe that the other car was going close to 80 kmh - 40 kmh over the posted limit).  If anything I think we both share the blame, but the report says I accept responsibility.

As a result, I was fined by the police for my ‘careless driving’ and had to pay for the other party’s car repairs (a busted side mirror along with some dents/scratches).  

I haven’t yet heard from my medical insurance - other than when I was told at the beginning of October it would take up to 45 business days to process my request.  When I was finally able to send them the police report information 2 weeks ago I was told that my claim would be processed the following week. I don’t know what processing my claim will look like, but I haven’t yet heard from them, so I’m hoping I hear early next week (now that Thanksgiving is upon us).

This whole thing has put quite a strain on my finances.  Already my financial donations have been lower this year than last and I am almost fully dependent on donations (though the church I youth pastor for here gives me a small living stipend). You can join me in praying that the reimbursement comes through or that God will continue to provide for my financial needs in other ways. (If you are interested in helping in this way, check out the "Join In" page or click the "World Outreach Ministries" logo)

Recovery Update

I got some not-so-good news today ... turns out the police accident report hasn't been closed as they need my statement - which is fine, no big deal, BUT the current ruling is that it WAS my fault instead of no fault/both fault.

They're saying I'm at fault because the fast lane has the right-of-way (even if they are speeding) and I should have yielded. As a result, I will have to pay for repairs to the car which is at least a broken mirror, maybe a dented door and more.  I'm going to meet an insurance agent at the police station on Thursday or Friday to submit my report/hear results (which I could probably appeal in court, but that sounds even less fun!)

If it is ruled my fault, in addition to paying for the car repairs, I'll probably be fined by the police for something like 'reckless driving.'  My medical insurance is also waiting for an official translation of the official report - if it says it's my fault, there's a chance that they won't cover the medical expenses or as many of the expenses as they would have if it was no fault.

I've had to put out money I don't quite have to cover my hospital stay, follow-up appointments, motorcycle repairs, and computer repairs. We're talking close to $3,500 USD at this point. Yes, insurance should reimburse/cover some of that at some point, but it could still take a while for all that to process.  I also recently purchased airline tickets to spend Christmas and New Years stateside that I still need $500 to fully cover.

I tend to not worry about my financial situation since God seems to encourage the right people at the right time to donate to my ministry here in Thailand through World Outreach Ministries ... but finding out that I will most likely have to also pay for the damages to the car that hit me on top of everything else does have me concerned.

Two things then ....
1. Pray for my meeting with the police and insurance agent later this week. Pray that they will grant mercy and favor to my case.
2. Prayerfully consider donating money through my World Outreach account to help me cover expenses (information on how to do that can be found on the "join in" page) and/or pray that the money needed will be provided for (either through the insurance company or other donors)

the Recovery (part 3 of 3)

My first few hours in hospital weren't too eventful - though I did end up puking all over myself shortly after dinner.  Lana insisted on staying with me in the hospital ... while there were a few times others covered for her, she spent the better part of 5 days making me drink water, feeding me, entertaining me and helping me use the bathroom.

It was a difficult few days ... my right arm/shoulder hurt almost any time I moved, and I had to keep my left wrist as still as possible because the first IV collapsed my vein, it took them 4 stabs to get the second one into my tiny hidden veins.  Anytime I bent my wrist, blood would back-flow and a nurse would have to come in and fix the line.  If you know me at all, you'll know how much I absolutely hate needles/shots/IVs - it was such a relief to transition off the morphine (it made me throw up) then off IV paid meds to the oral meds.

Right before discharge, the changed the bandages and dressings on all my wounds, which were healing quite nicely.  Since I currently live in an apartment by myself, a number of people were willing to open their houses to me while I recover.  I took Mike and DJ Riley up on their offer.  (In fact, I'm writing from their place right now.)  It's been the prefect amount of assistance without hovering.

A number of people have asked how my parents are doing.  They've been pretty great.  This isn't the first time I've been away from home with medical problems.  In talking to my mom she said that God's been teaching her a lot about trust the past 5 years or so ... especially when it comes to me and my brother. She's learned to trust that we are in God's hands and that God will provide what we need. Sure she'd love to be taking care of me in the hospital, but she said she'll just have to find someone else to care for.

I've also been asked about my motorcycle.  It sustained way less damage than I expected.  The right mirror and brake are broken/lose, the plastic surrounding the light was cracked, and it's more scratched up, but seems to be working.  I hope to take it to a shop this week to get a full diagnosis and then repaired.  In all honesty, I'm not scared to ride and am looking forward to being able to get back on my bike.  Yes, I have so appreciated that someone has loaned Dave (co-youth pastor with me) a car to drive me around, but I do miss riding my own bike.

For the most part I'm feeling better with each passing day.  I will still have to be in a sling for another 2 months or so, but the doctor seems to think things are healing well.  She gave me 2 exercises to work on over the next 2 weeks, when I'll have the next X-Ray follow up.

You never wish something like this on someone.  But it hasn't been all bad.  First, it's given me the opportunity to take some extra time off my work at FCF.  The way people responded the second the accident happened was also encouraging to me.  I was also surprised (though maybe I shouldn't have been) by how quickly word spread through my different networks - Lana kept reading me message after message in the ER from people who said they were praying.  Then I had a number of visitors - church elders, co-workers, teens, friends - stopping by every day at the hospital. Even at church this last week people were still coming up to me and telling me how they have been praying for my recovery.  It's truly been amazing to feel the love and support from so many - thanks for all your prayers!

the ER (part 2 of 3)

Looking back, the time I spent in the ER was exhausting.  While Bangkok Hospital is the only hospital in town with ER trained medical staff (the other hospitals in town have a rotation of random medical staff working ER), things are still handed differently than in the states.  My friends fought to get me pain medicine before I was sent to X-Ray, and I was only given 6 milligrams when they finally acquiesced. X-Ray was painful. First I had to agree to let them cut my bra off - I knew there was no way they could get it off without doing so, but it was one of my best bras! Sorry if this is TMI, but I felt so defeated in allowing them to destroy it.

They the proceeded to attempt to get the X-Ray pictures they needed.  I tried so hard to move and then hold the positions asked of me, but I was still in so much pain.  I remember laying there thinking how hard it was to do WITH pain medicine - there was no way I could have held still without it and I was so thankful to have people fighting for me in the ER.

Concerned about spinal damage, my neck was stabilized until
they were sure there was no damage

I guess they could tell from the X-Ray that my scapula (shoulder blade bone) was broken, but wanted to make sure that was all, so I also had a CT scan done.

Because of the size of the scapula, it is rarely broken and takes an incredible amount of force to break it.  As a result, other things in that area (like the shoulder joint, chest/lungs, neck/spine) also sustain damage - hence the CT scan.

Back in ER I finally got hooked up to an IV and maybe received some more morphine.  Within a few moments, the doctor came in with the diagnosis: broken scapula.  Nothing else.  No joint damage, no spine damage. I was "good to go" - though it was pretty strongly advised that I stay in the hospital a few days to help manage the pain.  I was too happy to agree.

Next up before official admission was road burn abrasion cleaning - yay!  While they put something on the abrasions to numb it before cleaning it and pulling gravel out, it was still a painful experience. While the road burn could have been so much worse and deeper, I had abrasions on both forearms and elbows, the tops of both feet and my right shoulder.  Maybe 2 days later we discovered another cut with gravel on my butt - such fun! Even though they missed this in ER, they did do a really good cleaning and dressing all my wounds.

the Accident (part 1 of 3)

August 25 began like any other day. I went to the office, had a meeting at a cafe, but before I could get back to the office, tragedy struck. Literally.  I had just pulled out from the cafe on my motorcycle when, seconds later, I collided with a car.

We drive on the opposite side of the road here and the road I was on has 3 lanes in each direction. The far left lane usually has parked vehicles/slower traffic, and the far right lane is the fast lane.  I was headed into the far right lane in order to make a U-turn to head back to the office.  I had turned my signal on and checked traffic before pulling out. I had seen the car in the fast lane, but I figured I didn't have far to go to get to the U-turn and had plenty of time to get over before the car passed.  It was going way faster than I realized as just as I was getting into the far right lane (the fast/U-turn lane), the car and I collided.

I did not lose consciousness, but everything happened so fast I'm not entirely sure what exactly happened.  I'm not sure if the car's left side mirror hit me or my bike or my bike's right side mirror, but I was coming in at a slight angle while it was headed straight.  I think the impact sent my body up as when I landed (on my right side/back/backpack) I only rolled over myself a few times instead of sliding and rolling a lot.  I stopped on my stomach and attempted to push myself up in order to evaluate my injuries.  I immediately collapsed again as my right arm/shoulder was in incredible pain (we're talking at least a 9 on the pain scale).

I was sort of able to flip myself over onto my back/backpack, but was in so much pain.  Almost immediately I was surrounded by Thai people who work/were at the shops along the road.  I heard on say "call ambulance" and others kept asking how I was.  Seconds later the person I had just had the meeting with was standing over me, pushing some of the people back, calling other foreigners from the cafe to help, and attempting to call our Thai office staff.  It was a hot day and 2 umbrellas appeared over me out of no where.  Apparently one Thai guy whipped a reflective vest out of his backpack to start directing traffic around me and staff at another place further up were waving red flags to help slow traffic down.

Within minutes (which is amazing for Thailand) the police and an ambulance were on the scene.  My backpack strap was cut, my helmet removed, my head secured and my body loaded onto a stretcher and into the ambulance.  The friend I had met jumped into the ambulance and told them to take me to Bangkok Hospital (which is still in Chiang Mai).  It was a painful ride to the hospital, but I made it and was shortly joined by a retired doctor who works with our foundation as a medical consultant and his wife.

Loose the chains of injustice

As I just wrote, it's past time for me to speak up (if you haven't read it, go do so)

This week I've read about to many injustices ...

bombings/terroristics attacks in Istanbul and Baghdad and Medina
the abductions then deaths of an IJM lawyer, driver and client in Kenya
additional victims of police violence
and now THIS in Dallas!

These things come on the heels of other events like the Orlando Massacre and Stanford swimmer's lenient sentencing for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.


I'm outraged by these events. I'm tired of hearing about them happening. There seems to be so little progress and so much lament.
Jeremiah 6:14 and 16 run through my head:

They dress the wound of my people
   as though it were not serious.
'Peace, peace,' they say,
   when there is no peace.

This is what the Lord says:
 "Stand at the crossroads and look;
    ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
   and you will find rest for your souls.
   But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'

Along with Psalm 13 and Habakkuk 1.


This time around Isaiah 58 is also running through my mind.


A couple weeks ago in youth group we were using this passage to talk about discovering sabbath delight.  At one point we ask the teens if they could see possible connections between the practice of justice in daily life and delight on the sabbath day. After giving them some time to consider, discuss it between themselves, and share their answers, I shared.
I shared that I unfortunately don't see much justice in my daily life ... I see too much injustice. So instead of delighting, I find myself lamenting.
I want to see more connections between justice and delight on the sabbath day.
It means we need to act.
We need to humble ourselves (58:4), loose the bonds of wickedness, undone the straps of the yoke, let the oppressed go free, break every yoke (58:6), feed the hungry, house the homeless, cover the naked (58:7)
We cannot sit idly by when these things happen.
If we fight for the oppressed, we will begin to see healing! (58:8)

Yes, keep praying for peace and justice, keep lamenting the violence and injustice, but don't stop there.  Recognize your privilege, have uncomfortable conversations, take steps to lose the chains of injustice in your area ...
   In Mechanicsburg, West Shore E-Free Church has an after-school ministry to kids living in Cumberland Pointe. There are other opportunities to work for justice in the area - places like Bethesda Mission, Central PA Literacy Council, or Paxton Ministries.
    In Grand Rapids there are countless awesome non-profits/churches involved in justice work - Baxter Community Center, New City Neighbors, Cook Library, Degage ... I could go on.

It doesn't matter, just SPEAK UP and GET INVOLVED

What are you willing to sacrifice to create a more just society?

My silence is a luxury

Whenever I see things like this, my heart breaks.
It aches for peace.
For justice.

Heavy-hearted, I want to comment or do something but it's hard.  I struggle with what to say.
I don't currently live in the states, I am a privileged white woman.

We're luck we're white.
Lucky to be the majority. We're lucky we're seen as "normal"
We're lucky we don't get stared at every single time we walk into a room.
Lucky that people see us, not a color.
We're lucky we don't get followed by security when we go to the store. 
We're lucky car doors don't get locked when we walk by
We're lucky that it's easier to get a job, a bank loan, and approval in general.
Lucky we don't have our purse searched when we leave the mall,
or have our car searched because we're in the wrong neighborhood

What could I possibly have to say that adds to the conversation?
So while I'll think of Martin Niemöller ...

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

and Elie Wiesel (and especially this week since he just passed away)

Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant

... I only listen.

I'll spend then next few days reading countless articles and opinions, and maybe share a more eloquent friend's facebook status (especially if it's from a S-LC co-worker/alumni).
I'll listen to many of these songs along with Kendrick Lamar's "To Pimp a Butterfly, The Brilliance's
"Brother" and self-titled albums (especially their songs Does Your Heart Break and Mercy), and Macklemore's White Privilege II on repeat.
I listen to the first set of songs to understand, the second to cry out to God.
I listen to "White Privilege II" because I believe it articulates how I feel so well:

I want to take a stance cause we are not free
And then I thought about it, we are not we
Am I in the outside looking in, or am I in the inside looking out?
Is it my place to give my two cents ...

You speak about equality, but do you really mean it?
Are you marching for freedom, or when it's convenient?
Want people to like you, want to be accepted
That's probably why you are out here protesting
Don't think for a second you don't have incentive
Is this about you, well, then what's your intention?
What's the intention? What's the intention? 

... Damn, a lot of opinions, a lot of confusion, a lot of resentment
Some of us scared, some of us defensive
And most of us aren't even paying attention
It seems like we're more concerned with being called racist
Than we actually are with racism
I've heard that silences are action and God knows that I've been passive
What if I actually read a article, actually had a dialogue
Actually looked at myself, actually got involved?
If I'm aware of my privilege and do nothing at all, I don't know...

White supremacy isn't just a white dude in Idaho
White supremacy protects the privilege I hold
White supremacy is the soil, the foundation, the cement and the flag that flies outside of my home
White supremacy is our country's lineage, designed for us to be indifferent ...

We want to dress like, walk like, talk like, dance like, yet we just stand by
We take all we want from black culture, but will we show up for black lives?

... liberation for everyone, and injustice anywhere is still injustice everywhere.
The best thing white people can do is talk to each other.
And having those very difficult, very painful conversations with your parents, with your family members.
I think one of the critical questions for white people in this society is what are you willing to risk,
What are you willing to sacrifice to create a more just society?

The title of this blog is purposeful discomfort. These things should make us uncomfortable, but what do you do with the discomfort? Do you shrug it off, or engage in discussion with others? Do you 'like' someone's eloquent status, or write your own? Do you join in a lament and/or pray for peace and a more just society?

I'm ready to speak up - my silence is a luxury.

What are you willing to sacrifice to create a more just society?

Just in time

As you (hopefully) know, World Outreach Ministries (WOM) is my sending agency. They are a registered 501c3 in the states, which allows people like you to make tax deductible donations to my ministry here in Thailand.  I am then "contracted" by WOM to work with my receiving agency, the Family Connection Foundation (FCF).

Because I am considered as a contractor my taxes are filed differently than a typical employee (I get a
1099 instead of a W-2).  One of the biggest differences is that social security payments aren't automatically withdrawn from each of my 'paychecks.' As a result, when I (well, actually my dad - thank you dad!) go to file my taxes, I have to pay a year's worth of social security based on my income for the year.  This year, I ended up having to pay $1,397 worth of social security taxes.  To help put into perspective how much money that is for me to pay ... it's equivalent to 10 months worth of my rent!

When my dad told me how much I'd have to pay in mid-March, I knew I'd have the money, for it, but asked that my parents wouldn't have it withdrawn from my bank account until April 11.  Yes, I had the money, but I knew I'd need my "first of the month" deposit from WOM as a buffer.

As I was traveling April 2-10 (for the Hat Yai Discipleship trip), I didn't get a chance to see what the deposit total was going to be until April 11.  When I went to check, I was shocked to see an extra gift had been made at the end of March. This extra gift was just what I needed to get me through April without dipping into my savings (which I was expecting to do) and supported me while the usual monthly donations came in to replenish my checking account.

Since I haven't had many extra donations this year and I had to pay a hefty amount for new glasses, I've been living pretty simply - doing without many of the 'extras' I usually enjoy. To have God provide in such a way - just enough to be covered, to have that exact amount come in at that exact time, there's no way it could be anything but God's provision, confirmation of his presence, approval for what I'm doing in Thailand.

Moving Mountains - Answered Prayers

While on the discipleship trip, we used John Eldredge's new book, "Moving Mountains" to learn about prayer during our devotional times.  One of the days we talked about daily prayer and challenged the students to either use Eldredge's daily prayer, or to adopt one of their own to pray daily.

I personally decided to use Eldredge's daily prayer, which you can read for yourself here. (I'd also suggest that you start this practice if you don't already and that you read his book as it has changed the way I think about prayer).

The Sunday after we returned, I was gong through the prayer and the line, "In all that I now pray, I stand in total agreement with your Spirit and with all those praying for me by the Spirit of God alone" stood out to me. I'm not really sure why, but that phrase "with all those praying for me" really struck something in me that morning. 

I paused, thinking over what I know people have prayed for/over me. I think the most common thing I hear that people are praying for me is that I stay safe on the roads while I'm on my motorbike. In thinking this I said to myself/God (almost flippantly), "yeah, I agree with those prayers. I'd like protection while riding around town. Protect me today God, as I go out on my motorcycle." I went through the rest of the prayer, got ready for the day, and headed off to church (on my motorcycle) without really thinking anything of it.

After church I headed up towards Meechok Plaza on the Mae Jo road to meet some friends for lunch. At one of the U-turns in the middle of that road, I saw (from a distance) a car starting to pull out (and just as a reminder, we drive on the opposite side of the road here). As I came closer, the car started pulling out further. As the Mae Jo road is plenty wide I thought they might swing into the far left lane that I was in, but would get into middle lane before I reached them. Still, I started to slow down a bit. But this car didn't pull into the middle lane. In fact, it started to cut me off in the far left lane. I slammed on the breaks and saw there was a petrol station on my left. I figured that's where this car was headed and that they hadn't seen me, but I wasn't fast enough to honk my horn. Instead I sped up to pull into the petrol station and pass around the car. I made it safely, but couldn't believe how close I came to being run off the road.

Once I reached the restaurant and settled my racing heart I was overwhelmed by this sense of God's hand and protection in this situation. I was then overwhelmed that I had prayed for protection on my motorbike today because I prayed in agreement with what I know others pray for for me.

Hat Yai Discipleship Trip

Our group with the students we worked with during a 4 day English camp

Like last year, I had the privileged of spending a week in a Muslim village in southern Thailand (outside the city of Hat Yai) with a group of teens from our youth group April 2-10.  With the youth pastor being on furlough, I had more responsibilities as one of the leaders and not just a chaperone, which made it quite a different experience for me.  I was incredibly proud of the way the students handled themselves in the village and stepped up in the English classes they were teaching.

One of the highlights for me this year, took place during our debriefing time at the end of the trip.  We spent 2 nights and one full day at a beach hotel.  After the debrief session our first night, one of the guys asked to borrow my beach mat so they could go out to play worship music on the beach.  I joined them, not knowing that it would end up being only the male students out there.

As the one guy played guitar, most joined in singing different praise songs he played.  Others milled around or chatted quietly or prayed with each other.  At one point, two guys were standing by the water's edge with their arms around each others' back.  Slowly the other guys began to join them until they were all standing in a line looking out over the ocean.  They sang together then circled up - obviously praying together.  Of course they ended their circle time with a primal warrior cry before coming back to where the other leader and I were sitting.

They picked up where they left off - continuing with their worship, prayers, and encouraging conversations. At this point the other leader (Dave) got up from where we were sitting and walked to the water's edge.  It just so happened that he was leaving Thailand for a number of months a few days after we returned from this trip.  Our guys love and respect him so much.  It didn't take long for one of the guys to suggest that they go pray for him, and he was swarmed.  After praying for him, people slowly started heading back to their rooms for the night.

In seeing the guys in this special context, I felt as though I am more fully able to understand their relationship with each other and with Dave. Apparently, the guys thought it was cool that joined them.  I was relieved to hear this, as I did feel like I was intruding on their time and space to some extent, even though I feel so blessed that the guys allowed me to intrude and witness them in this almost intimate context.

With Mike and now Dave gone, I feel a huge amount of responsibility not just for the youth group, but also for these guys in closing out the year well (as many of them are graduating this year). I was thankful for this experience to help open up another way for me to connect with these guys.

The Myanmar Earthquake

124 friends in this area
66 friends marked as safe

I woke up at 3am.  In checking the time, I saw I had notifications from facebook ... "Earthquake in Myanmar, let your friends know you're ok by marking yourself safe." "So-and-so has marked themselves as safe during the Myanmar Earthquake."

What's going on? Was this felt in Thailand? Friends started marking themselves safe 3 hours ago ... I was asleep. I wonder what's going on, might as well check since I'm awake.

BBC News, "Myanmar shaken by a 6.9 magnitude earthquake" ... no initial reports of fatalities ... tremors felt in India (no worries, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, while in the area, are safe) and Bangladesh. Hmm, sounds like it's closer to the western border than eastern - did it even reach Thailand? I wonder if/how it affected the region Free Burma Rangers works in ... finally! a map - doesn't look like tremors reached Thailand (according to this map) ... reading further: Chinese officials report tremors felt in Tibet and China, but no reports of it reaching Thailand.

No reports of it reaching Thailand and yet Facebook wanted me to let my friends know if I was safe or not.  I'm cranky from waking up at 3am.  I don't want to, but I check myself in as safe.

I find it silly to check in. It doesn't look like it's reached Thailand (and in looking the next day the epicenter was 900+ km north/north west of Chiang Mai).  Friends in Thailand will assume I'm safe since they probably didn't feel anything either.  Friends in America might wonder what I'm doing in Myanmar, or they might not care, or they won't know that it even happened ... they won't know that it happened.  

They should know it happened - Myanmar has had enough problems overlooked by western media the past few years, but maybe I can help raise awareness since I'm in the larger region.
"Many of Myanmar's outlying areas have inadequate communications and infrastructure, including the area where the earthquake hit." Do you realize the implications of this statement?


 "You've marked yourself as safe"

Reflection on Godspell

I recently did some choreography for Grace International School’s production of Godspell.  It runs this week and I couldn’t be more proud of the students or excited for the community to see this show.

There’s this scene at the end of Godspell: Judas has left to betray Jesus, the disciples and Jesus have finished having their Passover meal.  Judas then sings this beautiful lament while each disciple has a moment with Jesus to say goodbye.

This may very well be my favorite scene in the show (even though my choreography is pretty boss and the students are killing it!).  It’s the calm before the storm.  I believe I find it so moving because of the fun, personal nature of the show.  Jesus has brought each of these people to himself – they’ve grown together, they’ve had fun, they’ve fought, they’ve learned, they’ve journeyed together to this point.  While the disciples don’t know or fully understand what is about to happen, they have a chance to say goodbye.  In their moment each disciple does their unique thing with Jesus … a bit of choreo from their song, a sign only they did with Jesus … whatever it is, it’s theirs.

In reading the gospels, I think it’s easy to forget how approachable Jesus is.  I know that when I read the gospels he seems distant and not necessarily very personal.  His teachings maybe seem lofty, his standards maybe unattainable.  It’s easy then to become like the Pharisees Jesus was constantly chastising – to get wrapped up in doing the right things, without the right attitude. Without seeking God in everything.

This is part of why I have enjoyed going to Godspell practices.  Parables and teachings are acted out in fun, different ways.  Hearing it day after day, practice after practice after practice … just soaking in the words of Jesus. It becomes easier to see yourself as one of the disciples. You have fun alongside the disciples and Jesus; you feel Jesus’ frustration. You, like the disciples, don’t want to say goodbye.  The weight of what Jesus has done falls fresh again.

I personally couldn’t think of a better way to prepare for Easter then helping out with this musical. It's been such a blessing.

PS – Thanks mom and dad for paying for dance classes for all those years, it definitely paid off to put those skills to work for this production.  Also thanks to all who made MASH musicals possible when I was in high school, especially Mr. Dundore, Shoe, and Miss Catherine – not sure I would have helped out with this production if you hadn’t been such an inspiration/encouragement. 

Lesson in Humility

I moved into the youth pastor’s house in February … one of the perks of filling in while he’s on furlough. One evening, shortly after I moved in, I decided that I needed to relax and wind down a bit more before going to bed.  I decided to enjoy a nice warm bath and episode of Gilmore Girls. It was luxurious and relaxing.  All ready to crawl into my comfy bed in cool room for a restful sleep, I was stopped by a menacing opponent … the bathroom door.

When I had shut the bathroom door to take my shower the lock jammed.  The door opens inward and locks from the inside and the doorknob would turn, but the locking mechanism wouldn’t budge. 

Now a couple months ago the youth pastor shared how he got stuck in his kids’ room one night and was finally able to break out using random stuff his son gave him.  I started searching the bathroom … was there something I could use to move the locking mechanism?  Was there something I could use to remove the hinges? Maybe, but no matter what I tried I couldn’t get out.  There’s a decent-sized window above the bathtub that I tried to see if I could climb out, but with being on the second floor, it didn’t seem like an option.  I could slip my fingers under the door and pull it towards me, but I didn’t have enough leverage (or strength) to break the door or lock.

I was stuck.

Extra towels were kept in this bathroom, so I knew I would be able to make a ‘bed’ for myself.   A light was still on and the light switch on the outside – that was troublesome until I was able to rig a washcloth over it.  But the maebaan (housekeeper) wasn’t due to come in the following morning.  I didn’t have my phone; I did have my computer – but no charger.  It was a little after midnight by this point so I did the only thing I could … I emailed a few people who might be able to help and settled in for the night.

I slept surprisingly well, for the most part, and sure enough around 8am one of the friends I emailed called out to me … all the doors were locked.  I had been told that it’s possible to break in through one of the living room windows, but haven’t had to and my friend could figure it out.  Thankfully one of the kitchen windows was unlocked, so that’s how my friend got into the house.  There wasn’t much that could be done from the outside, other than slam the door open.  I was surprised … there was no damage done to the door as the lock shattered.

Shattered lock

In reassuring the others I contacted that I was safely out, I was surprised by their stories of getting stuck in rooms due to faulty doorknobs.  In fact, my supervisor was surprised to hear that this hadn’t happened to me yet.  Apparently it’s one of those rites of passage of living here.

This whole experience ending up being a good story for the middle school discipleship class I’ve been leading.

I’ve been taking them through Richard Foster’s Celebration of Disciplines and that week we were discussing the spiritual discipline of service.  In his book, Foster lists 7 different types of service – one of which is the service of being served.

I told the students that of all the different types, this one is the hardest for me because I am a strong, independent woman who prefers serving others than being served.  It’s sometimes hard for me to ask for help and in some cases I’d rather figure out a way to do it on my own or do without.

I shared the story of getting stuck in the bathroom.  Part of me was so embarrassed to ask for help because who gets stuck in a bathroom like that?!? (Apparently more than I realized) At the same time I realized that once I knew I was getting out on my own that I would have to humble myself to ask someone to come out and break me out.  I slept well because I trusted that someone would eventually come – I didn’t panic or worry about how long I’d be stuck.  I knew that once I asked, one of my friends would be there as soon as possible.

Don’t you just love how God will knock you down, just to remind you that you can never be the strong independent woman you want to be or to remind you that it is a service to submit yourself so someone can serve (and bless) you?

Well this happened ...

I'm usually touched when people either in the states or here tell me to stay safe, to drive carefully, that they've prayed for my safety on the roads, etc. (Notice I said usually ... sometimes my reaction is more of an eye roll than gratitude that someone cares about my well-being) I'm not a reckless motorcyclist, I know and understand road rules, I wear a helmet and in almost 2 years of doing this I haven't been in an accident.

My Chiang Mai tattoo as it was healing

I have gotten a "Chiang Mai tattoo" (a burned calf from a hot motorcycle exhaust pipe), but that's nothing compared to the accidents you hear about here.

But right before my family arrived, I was in a small motorcycle accident. I wiped out. I believe I hit an uneven patch on this road that’s under construction, so there’s a lot of loose gravel on the road.  Hitting the uneven patch upset my balance and the gravel made it difficult for me to regain control – so I went down.  I had already been driving on part of the shoulder, so I was thankfully out of traffic’s way.

As the dust settled I was ready to hop on my bike to go to the hospital I passed not even a kilometer away and my mind racing through people I could call (if needed).  My elbow was pretty torn up and I had other scrapes on my hands, legs and feet.  Nothing deep, but I was covered in dust.

Before I was able to get to my bike, a car stopped and a man poured water over some of my scrapes to wash the dirt away.  Another man came running out of his shop.  This second man ended up taking me into his shop to further try and clean my wounds.  He made a valiant effort to clean the worst ones, but decided to take me to the hospital.  By this point the shock and adrenaline is wearing off and my pain levels ramping up. 

He loaded me into his truck and off we went to the hospital.  He dropped me off at the emergency room door.  By the time he parked and came in, I whimpering (ok, so maybe I was flat out crying) on a hospital bed as a nurse cleaned my wounds.  A doctor checked my wounds, ensured that I hadn’t hit my head (I hadn’t and I was wearing my helmet), and ordered a tetanus shot for me because I couldn’t remember that last time I had one. Then a friend of mine arrived just in time to distract me from the shot, pick up pain and antibiotic medication, and help me pay – I was still in so much pain!

One day post accident, all wrapped up in gauze

Talk about painful dressing changing!

I got back on my motorcycle pretty quickly though, as in as soon as we got back to the shop.  I think I wasn't as shaken up because I just wiped out.  If I had hit someone or someone had hit me I think it would have been a whole lot harder for me to drive away on my bike at that point.

So for those who have ever prayed for my safety here (especially on my motorcycle), it hasn't been in vain.  I've been in only one small accident that could have easily been a lot worse.  God also provided a compassionate shopkeeper, friends, and community to look after my abrasions.  I had to have the dressing changed on my elbow a couple times before I could let it air out.  Man, that was painful! But a nurse in the neighborhood and my neighbors looked after it, and you wouldn't know by looking at my arm that I had such a bad scrap ... it healed that well. 

The Problem with TEDxCNX

At the end of January I had the privilege of attending an independently organized TEDx event.  TEDx events embody the spirit of official TED events but is organized by volunteers in the community.  It’s still a professional and impressive event to attend.

TED talks are known for presenting innovative ideas and encouraging positive change.  To that respect, TEDxCNX did not disappoint.  But as the day went on, I began to realize that each speaker was basically preaching to the choir.  1000 some people – all interested in seeing Chiang Mai become a cleaner city, a safer city, a better educated city.  Explanation for Thailand’s problems and the “innovative” ideas for change were welcomed with applause.  Of the 22 speakers I heard, 6 (if not more) had something to do with education in Thailand.

How was it that with the theme of “Dare to …” 6 people spoke on the same subject and presented similar ideas?

Does this event actually inspire change?

It seems to me that your average Thai person needed to be in the room.  The average Thai person seemed to be excluded from the event first by cost, second by marketing.  I wonder how the audience would respond if it was full of average Thai people.  Would they cheer as we cheered? Would they be inspired to make a difference?  I don’t know.

I don’t mean this to be a harsh criticism, as I quite enjoyed the day.  But if the majority of those present is of a similar mind and yet change happens so slowly, I wonder if the right audience is being reached and engaged.

A Buddhist Funeral

My brother and I had hoped to go climbing with some friends of mine while he was here.   I got to know this family through going to the Creative Center this fall as they help run it.  We had talked about going on Sunday afternoon (January 3) or Monday afternoon.  When we met up at church Sunday morning they apologized because they couldn’t do it.

They had gotten a call from one of the Thai students who comes to Creative Center events on Saturday. His father had committed suicide and there were a number of tasks he was expected to complete but needed support/help to do so.  My friends ended up spending the day with him.  He had to go to the shooting range to watch the CCTV recording of his father’s suicide.  He had to see the site it happened. He had to identify his father’s body at the morgue.

I was heartbroken for my Thai friend. His father wasn’t the best dad and he had really struggled in his relationship with his dad. Since becoming a Christian, it’s been something he’s prayed a lot about and there were maybe some small signs of hope as we prayed a couple times in December for him and his dad. 

Now, this Thai friend of mine is the only Christian in his family – his family is Buddhist and expected him to show proper honor and respect for his father.  Basically this meant that his family expected him to participate in the various funeral rites as a Buddhist monk. (It is fairly common for males to dawn the saffron robes for a time, either so they receive an education, ‘escape’ poverty, make extra merit for a little while, participate in special events, etc.) As a Christian he could not justify participating in the funeral in this way.

This was the first time he had to defend his new faith in front of his whole family. Some of them didn’t take it so well and struggled to understand why he wouldn’t show this kind of honor or respect to his father.  But as the days wore on and both Thai and foreign Christians showed up to support our friend, I strongly believe hearts were softened. 

I myself only went to two days as my family was still in town the first few days.

In the days leading up to the cremation, family and friends gather at a wat (temple) in the evening to show their respects as monks chant and maybe moral teachings are recited.  I was told the monks chant in an old religious Thai language that few people actually understand.  As a result, it is not unusual for people to be milling around or talking softly while the monks chant.

This was the case the night I went.  Monks were chanting, a guy recited some wisdoms, but those present weren’t always fully engaged in what was happening.

The following afternoon I attended the cremation procession and ceremony.  The monks led the coffin and then us a few blocks away to the crematorium.  We sat in a sala (an open pavilion) while final chants were recited and final respects given.  Family members (and maybe close friends) placed saffron robes in front of the coffin, which the monks received as if given by the deceased (another way to make merit).  Just before the coffin was moved to the crematorium building, we were each given a fake flower to present in front of the coffin. These were then taken and put in the furnace.

The coffin was moved from in front of the sala to in front of the crematorium.  The flowers decorating the cart and coffin were placed around the incinerator and on the steps leading up to it.  Soon the coffin was removed from the cart, carried up the steps, and set in front of the incinerator.  The family gathered around the coffin as the lid was removed and final respects paid.  Finally the coffin was slid into the incinerator, a door closed, and the fire started.  Most of the family left at this point.  The rest hung around for a few minutes before making their way back to their cars.

I was thankful for the experience, but heartbroken over the circumstance.  All the Buddhist pageantry and merit making for nothing.  Buddhist funerals are not sad affairs as death is seen as part of the never ending cycle of life until nirvana.  But the reality of the situation was written on my friend’s face.  He made a stand for the Truth while also trying to honor his father and family.  I’m glad I was able to support his stance by attending.  I truly believe God was at work during the week as I heard a few stories of different conversations had between the Christians and Buddhists. Our presence was noticed and I believe seeds were planted.

Family for Christmas!

I got a pretty good Christmas present this year … my family came to Chiang Mai for Christmas and New Years!!  After spending a significant amount of time here, it was great to finally have them come visit. To see my city firsthand, to meet my co-workers and friends, to finally begin to understand the things I’ve been telling them for months.

It was a short 2 weeks, but we kept busy visiting almost every tourist attraction in the area. We went to an elephant camp, the “sticky falls”, Wat Doi Suthep, San Kampaeng Hot Springs, Night Bazaar, Flight of the Gibbon, Royal Flora Ratachapruek Gardens, the cultural center, Kad Luang, Wiang Kum Kam, Walking Street, moo-ga-ta … we did all this and more.

While it was fun to be a tourist in my own city, it did take a lot out of me.  So many people flock to Chiang Mai during New Years for the cool weather, meaning traffic around the city is much crazier (slower) than usual.  Of course, I was the one driving my family around to all these locations in a beast of a vehicle – talk about draining!

But it was good.  I loved being able to hang out and joke with my brother.  The dork brought a string of lights that he uses camping so that we could “rave.”

We did have to take an unexpected trip to the hospital for him.  Poor Nate. This was the first time since his transplant surgery that he had to spend a night in the hospital.  Because he is on so many anti-rejection and other medications he has a weak immune system.  As a result, dinner from the market one night didn’t sit too well with him.  After spending part of the night and most of a morning in the bathroom, and not keeping anything down, it was time to take him to the hospital.

Dehydration puts a lot of strain on the kidneys, and with his one kidney being a transplant, we had to make sure that he was hydrated and more stable.  He received excellent care at the newest hospital in town and was released after about 24 hours … just in time to attend the afternoon church service.

The hospital visit hardly put a damper on our time together and I am so glad that they were able to visit at this time.  The whole thing worked out so well … I was house sitting for a family so there was more space and better/more Christmas decorations than my house.  They allowed me to use their car as well.

Days after my family left, the people I was house sitting for return, so I returned to my house for a few weeks before completely moving out to house sit for the youth pastor.  Since I’m filling in for him this spring while he’s on furlough, he asked if it would be financially helpful for me to live in his house (the church provides a stipend to cover rent and utilities).  Since I don’t know what I’m doing after May, it made more financial sense for me to give up the house I’ve been renting the past 2 years to house sit. But more on what’s been happening in following posts …

Follow the Father's Footsteps

(December 2015 Newsletter)

November into December is a busy time. Not only are we celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's but there are two other Thai holidays that our office closes for - Constitution Day and the King's Day/Birthday/Father's Day.

The King's birthday is a very special holiday and as a way to honor him as the father of the country, Father's Day is also celebrated. Just like Mother's Day is celebrated on the Queen's birthday.

The King is adored by Thai people and starting as early as June there were commercials commemorating him. I found the following commercial quite compelling (and I was able to find an extend version with English subtitles for you to watch below)

"We love the King" "We will follow in the King's footsteps"

I can't help but compare the sentiment in this video to Christianity. As Christians we should want to give God our best work in anything we do - just like the man wanted to design the best t-shirt for the King. What does it look like to follow in our King's footsteps?

I imagine that the montage of our King would include images of Jesus feeding the five-thousand, blessing the little children, healing leapers, eating with prostitutes, and welcoming outcasts. I hope the montage of Christian's following Jesus's footsteps would include welcoming refugees, listening/supporting minorities, feeding the hungry, fostering children, caring for the homeless, shoveling a neighbor's driveway ...

Just as I can't help but wonder what Thailand would look like if everyone invested their time and resources the way the King has, I can't help but wonder what this world would look like if Christians followed in our King's footsteps.  So this year I'm going to try to love my King more and follow in His footsteps better ... what would that look like for you?