Police Report

According to my last doctor’s appointment (which happened to be about a month ago), I am now officially fully recovered.  I was able to start operating my motorcycle 5 weeks ago and 4 weeks start participating in sports outside of the therapy (swimming) I’ve been doing.  My shoulder is sometimes a bit sore after working out, but definitely not as much or as frequently.

The police report was finally closed on October 26.  The whole thing did not go as I would have hoped.  I wasn’t asked any questions (then again, they didn’t ask the other party any questions either - though he probably gave a statement at the scene) and didn’t have an opportunity to give an account of events from my point-of-view.  I’m sure the police heard from other witnesses and from the Thai people representing me, but I was never given a chance to speak.  As a result, I ended up signing a statement saying that I accept my carelessness and confess to allegation that I drove carelessly resulting in the hitting and damaging of the other person’s car.  Of course after everyone signs, the case is closed, and I get the official English translation of the report that this is the outcome.

Though I’m glad this piece is finally settled and all behind me, I was heartbroken by the results.  Maybe I was driving slightly carelessly, but it wasn’t as though I was trying to race the car and I had my turn signal on!  I wasn’t driving 20 - 40+ kmh over the speed limit like the car was (I actually don’t know how fast the car was driving, but as I’ve driven on the road since the accident, I’ve checked my speed and estimated the speed of cars passing me leading me to believe that the other car was going close to 80 kmh - 40 kmh over the posted limit).  If anything I think we both share the blame, but the report says I accept responsibility.

As a result, I was fined by the police for my ‘careless driving’ and had to pay for the other party’s car repairs (a busted side mirror along with some dents/scratches).  

I haven’t yet heard from my medical insurance - other than when I was told at the beginning of October it would take up to 45 business days to process my request.  When I was finally able to send them the police report information 2 weeks ago I was told that my claim would be processed the following week. I don’t know what processing my claim will look like, but I haven’t yet heard from them, so I’m hoping I hear early next week (now that Thanksgiving is upon us).

This whole thing has put quite a strain on my finances.  Already my financial donations have been lower this year than last and I am almost fully dependent on donations (though the church I youth pastor for here gives me a small living stipend). You can join me in praying that the reimbursement comes through or that God will continue to provide for my financial needs in other ways. (If you are interested in helping in this way, check out the "Join In" page or click the "World Outreach Ministries" logo)

Recovery Update

I got some not-so-good news today ... turns out the police accident report hasn't been closed as they need my statement - which is fine, no big deal, BUT the current ruling is that it WAS my fault instead of no fault/both fault.

They're saying I'm at fault because the fast lane has the right-of-way (even if they are speeding) and I should have yielded. As a result, I will have to pay for repairs to the car which is at least a broken mirror, maybe a dented door and more.  I'm going to meet an insurance agent at the police station on Thursday or Friday to submit my report/hear results (which I could probably appeal in court, but that sounds even less fun!)

If it is ruled my fault, in addition to paying for the car repairs, I'll probably be fined by the police for something like 'reckless driving.'  My medical insurance is also waiting for an official translation of the official report - if it says it's my fault, there's a chance that they won't cover the medical expenses or as many of the expenses as they would have if it was no fault.

I've had to put out money I don't quite have to cover my hospital stay, follow-up appointments, motorcycle repairs, and computer repairs. We're talking close to $3,500 USD at this point. Yes, insurance should reimburse/cover some of that at some point, but it could still take a while for all that to process.  I also recently purchased airline tickets to spend Christmas and New Years stateside that I still need $500 to fully cover.

I tend to not worry about my financial situation since God seems to encourage the right people at the right time to donate to my ministry here in Thailand through World Outreach Ministries ... but finding out that I will most likely have to also pay for the damages to the car that hit me on top of everything else does have me concerned.

Two things then ....
1. Pray for my meeting with the police and insurance agent later this week. Pray that they will grant mercy and favor to my case.
2. Prayerfully consider donating money through my World Outreach account to help me cover expenses (information on how to do that can be found on the "join in" page) and/or pray that the money needed will be provided for (either through the insurance company or other donors)

the Recovery (part 3 of 3)

My first few hours in hospital weren't too eventful - though I did end up puking all over myself shortly after dinner.  Lana insisted on staying with me in the hospital ... while there were a few times others covered for her, she spent the better part of 5 days making me drink water, feeding me, entertaining me and helping me use the bathroom.

It was a difficult few days ... my right arm/shoulder hurt almost any time I moved, and I had to keep my left wrist as still as possible because the first IV collapsed my vein, it took them 4 stabs to get the second one into my tiny hidden veins.  Anytime I bent my wrist, blood would back-flow and a nurse would have to come in and fix the line.  If you know me at all, you'll know how much I absolutely hate needles/shots/IVs - it was such a relief to transition off the morphine (it made me throw up) then off IV paid meds to the oral meds.

Right before discharge, the changed the bandages and dressings on all my wounds, which were healing quite nicely.  Since I currently live in an apartment by myself, a number of people were willing to open their houses to me while I recover.  I took Mike and DJ Riley up on their offer.  (In fact, I'm writing from their place right now.)  It's been the prefect amount of assistance without hovering.

A number of people have asked how my parents are doing.  They've been pretty great.  This isn't the first time I've been away from home with medical problems.  In talking to my mom she said that God's been teaching her a lot about trust the past 5 years or so ... especially when it comes to me and my brother. She's learned to trust that we are in God's hands and that God will provide what we need. Sure she'd love to be taking care of me in the hospital, but she said she'll just have to find someone else to care for.

I've also been asked about my motorcycle.  It sustained way less damage than I expected.  The right mirror and brake are broken/lose, the plastic surrounding the light was cracked, and it's more scratched up, but seems to be working.  I hope to take it to a shop this week to get a full diagnosis and then repaired.  In all honesty, I'm not scared to ride and am looking forward to being able to get back on my bike.  Yes, I have so appreciated that someone has loaned Dave (co-youth pastor with me) a car to drive me around, but I do miss riding my own bike.

For the most part I'm feeling better with each passing day.  I will still have to be in a sling for another 2 months or so, but the doctor seems to think things are healing well.  She gave me 2 exercises to work on over the next 2 weeks, when I'll have the next X-Ray follow up.

You never wish something like this on someone.  But it hasn't been all bad.  First, it's given me the opportunity to take some extra time off my work at FCF.  The way people responded the second the accident happened was also encouraging to me.  I was also surprised (though maybe I shouldn't have been) by how quickly word spread through my different networks - Lana kept reading me message after message in the ER from people who said they were praying.  Then I had a number of visitors - church elders, co-workers, teens, friends - stopping by every day at the hospital. Even at church this last week people were still coming up to me and telling me how they have been praying for my recovery.  It's truly been amazing to feel the love and support from so many - thanks for all your prayers!

the ER (part 2 of 3)

Looking back, the time I spent in the ER was exhausting.  While Bangkok Hospital is the only hospital in town with ER trained medical staff (the other hospitals in town have a rotation of random medical staff working ER), things are still handed differently than in the states.  My friends fought to get me pain medicine before I was sent to X-Ray, and I was only given 6 milligrams when they finally acquiesced. X-Ray was painful. First I had to agree to let them cut my bra off - I knew there was no way they could get it off without doing so, but it was one of my best bras! Sorry if this is TMI, but I felt so defeated in allowing them to destroy it.

They the proceeded to attempt to get the X-Ray pictures they needed.  I tried so hard to move and then hold the positions asked of me, but I was still in so much pain.  I remember laying there thinking how hard it was to do WITH pain medicine - there was no way I could have held still without it and I was so thankful to have people fighting for me in the ER.

Concerned about spinal damage, my neck was stabilized until
they were sure there was no damage

I guess they could tell from the X-Ray that my scapula (shoulder blade bone) was broken, but wanted to make sure that was all, so I also had a CT scan done.

Because of the size of the scapula, it is rarely broken and takes an incredible amount of force to break it.  As a result, other things in that area (like the shoulder joint, chest/lungs, neck/spine) also sustain damage - hence the CT scan.

Back in ER I finally got hooked up to an IV and maybe received some more morphine.  Within a few moments, the doctor came in with the diagnosis: broken scapula.  Nothing else.  No joint damage, no spine damage. I was "good to go" - though it was pretty strongly advised that I stay in the hospital a few days to help manage the pain.  I was too happy to agree.

Next up before official admission was road burn abrasion cleaning - yay!  While they put something on the abrasions to numb it before cleaning it and pulling gravel out, it was still a painful experience. While the road burn could have been so much worse and deeper, I had abrasions on both forearms and elbows, the tops of both feet and my right shoulder.  Maybe 2 days later we discovered another cut with gravel on my butt - such fun! Even though they missed this in ER, they did do a really good cleaning and dressing all my wounds.

the Accident (part 1 of 3)

August 25 began like any other day. I went to the office, had a meeting at a cafe, but before I could get back to the office, tragedy struck. Literally.  I had just pulled out from the cafe on my motorcycle when, seconds later, I collided with a car.

We drive on the opposite side of the road here and the road I was on has 3 lanes in each direction. The far left lane usually has parked vehicles/slower traffic, and the far right lane is the fast lane.  I was headed into the far right lane in order to make a U-turn to head back to the office.  I had turned my signal on and checked traffic before pulling out. I had seen the car in the fast lane, but I figured I didn't have far to go to get to the U-turn and had plenty of time to get over before the car passed.  It was going way faster than I realized as just as I was getting into the far right lane (the fast/U-turn lane), the car and I collided.

I did not lose consciousness, but everything happened so fast I'm not entirely sure what exactly happened.  I'm not sure if the car's left side mirror hit me or my bike or my bike's right side mirror, but I was coming in at a slight angle while it was headed straight.  I think the impact sent my body up as when I landed (on my right side/back/backpack) I only rolled over myself a few times instead of sliding and rolling a lot.  I stopped on my stomach and attempted to push myself up in order to evaluate my injuries.  I immediately collapsed again as my right arm/shoulder was in incredible pain (we're talking at least a 9 on the pain scale).

I was sort of able to flip myself over onto my back/backpack, but was in so much pain.  Almost immediately I was surrounded by Thai people who work/were at the shops along the road.  I heard on say "call ambulance" and others kept asking how I was.  Seconds later the person I had just had the meeting with was standing over me, pushing some of the people back, calling other foreigners from the cafe to help, and attempting to call our Thai office staff.  It was a hot day and 2 umbrellas appeared over me out of no where.  Apparently one Thai guy whipped a reflective vest out of his backpack to start directing traffic around me and staff at another place further up were waving red flags to help slow traffic down.

Within minutes (which is amazing for Thailand) the police and an ambulance were on the scene.  My backpack strap was cut, my helmet removed, my head secured and my body loaded onto a stretcher and into the ambulance.  The friend I had met jumped into the ambulance and told them to take me to Bangkok Hospital (which is still in Chiang Mai).  It was a painful ride to the hospital, but I made it and was shortly joined by a retired doctor who works with our foundation as a medical consultant and his wife.

Loose the chains of injustice

As I just wrote, it's past time for me to speak up (if you haven't read it, go do so)

This week I've read about to many injustices ...

bombings/terroristics attacks in Istanbul and Baghdad and Medina
the abductions then deaths of an IJM lawyer, driver and client in Kenya
additional victims of police violence
and now THIS in Dallas!

These things come on the heels of other events like the Orlando Massacre and Stanford swimmer's lenient sentencing for sexually assaulting an unconscious woman.


I'm outraged by these events. I'm tired of hearing about them happening. There seems to be so little progress and so much lament.
Jeremiah 6:14 and 16 run through my head:

They dress the wound of my people
   as though it were not serious.
'Peace, peace,' they say,
   when there is no peace.

This is what the Lord says:
 "Stand at the crossroads and look;
    ask for the ancient paths,
ask where the good way is, and walk in it,
   and you will find rest for your souls.
   But you said, 'We will not walk in it.'

Along with Psalm 13 and Habakkuk 1.


This time around Isaiah 58 is also running through my mind.


A couple weeks ago in youth group we were using this passage to talk about discovering sabbath delight.  At one point we ask the teens if they could see possible connections between the practice of justice in daily life and delight on the sabbath day. After giving them some time to consider, discuss it between themselves, and share their answers, I shared.
I shared that I unfortunately don't see much justice in my daily life ... I see too much injustice. So instead of delighting, I find myself lamenting.
I want to see more connections between justice and delight on the sabbath day.
It means we need to act.
We need to humble ourselves (58:4), loose the bonds of wickedness, undone the straps of the yoke, let the oppressed go free, break every yoke (58:6), feed the hungry, house the homeless, cover the naked (58:7)
We cannot sit idly by when these things happen.
If we fight for the oppressed, we will begin to see healing! (58:8)

Yes, keep praying for peace and justice, keep lamenting the violence and injustice, but don't stop there.  Recognize your privilege, have uncomfortable conversations, take steps to lose the chains of injustice in your area ...
   In Mechanicsburg, West Shore E-Free Church has an after-school ministry to kids living in Cumberland Pointe. There are other opportunities to work for justice in the area - places like Bethesda Mission, Central PA Literacy Council, or Paxton Ministries.
    In Grand Rapids there are countless awesome non-profits/churches involved in justice work - Baxter Community Center, New City Neighbors, Cook Library, Degage ... I could go on.

It doesn't matter, just SPEAK UP and GET INVOLVED

What are you willing to sacrifice to create a more just society?

My silence is a luxury

Whenever I see things like this, my heart breaks.
It aches for peace.
For justice.

Heavy-hearted, I want to comment or do something but it's hard.  I struggle with what to say.
I don't currently live in the states, I am a privileged white woman.

We're luck we're white.
Lucky to be the majority. We're lucky we're seen as "normal"
We're lucky we don't get stared at every single time we walk into a room.
Lucky that people see us, not a color.
We're lucky we don't get followed by security when we go to the store. 
We're lucky car doors don't get locked when we walk by
We're lucky that it's easier to get a job, a bank loan, and approval in general.
Lucky we don't have our purse searched when we leave the mall,
or have our car searched because we're in the wrong neighborhood

What could I possibly have to say that adds to the conversation?
So while I'll think of Martin Niemöller ...

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

and Elie Wiesel (and especially this week since he just passed away)

Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. Sometimes we must interfere. When human lives are endangered, when human dignity is in jeopardy, national borders and sensitivities become irrelevant

... I only listen.

I'll spend then next few days reading countless articles and opinions, and maybe share a more eloquent friend's facebook status (especially if it's from a S-LC co-worker/alumni).
I'll listen to many of these songs along with Kendrick Lamar's "To Pimp a Butterfly, The Brilliance's
"Brother" and self-titled albums (especially their songs Does Your Heart Break and Mercy), and Macklemore's White Privilege II on repeat.
I listen to the first set of songs to understand, the second to cry out to God.
I listen to "White Privilege II" because I believe it articulates how I feel so well:

I want to take a stance cause we are not free
And then I thought about it, we are not we
Am I in the outside looking in, or am I in the inside looking out?
Is it my place to give my two cents ...

You speak about equality, but do you really mean it?
Are you marching for freedom, or when it's convenient?
Want people to like you, want to be accepted
That's probably why you are out here protesting
Don't think for a second you don't have incentive
Is this about you, well, then what's your intention?
What's the intention? What's the intention? 

... Damn, a lot of opinions, a lot of confusion, a lot of resentment
Some of us scared, some of us defensive
And most of us aren't even paying attention
It seems like we're more concerned with being called racist
Than we actually are with racism
I've heard that silences are action and God knows that I've been passive
What if I actually read a article, actually had a dialogue
Actually looked at myself, actually got involved?
If I'm aware of my privilege and do nothing at all, I don't know...

White supremacy isn't just a white dude in Idaho
White supremacy protects the privilege I hold
White supremacy is the soil, the foundation, the cement and the flag that flies outside of my home
White supremacy is our country's lineage, designed for us to be indifferent ...

We want to dress like, walk like, talk like, dance like, yet we just stand by
We take all we want from black culture, but will we show up for black lives?

... liberation for everyone, and injustice anywhere is still injustice everywhere.
The best thing white people can do is talk to each other.
And having those very difficult, very painful conversations with your parents, with your family members.
I think one of the critical questions for white people in this society is what are you willing to risk,
What are you willing to sacrifice to create a more just society?

The title of this blog is purposeful discomfort. These things should make us uncomfortable, but what do you do with the discomfort? Do you shrug it off, or engage in discussion with others? Do you 'like' someone's eloquent status, or write your own? Do you join in a lament and/or pray for peace and a more just society?

I'm ready to speak up - my silence is a luxury.

What are you willing to sacrifice to create a more just society?